Helloooo, gorgeous! Today we’re going to talk about something very real, and very important: JOY! Specifically, making more room for joy in your daily life–not just those big moments.
Before we begin, I wanted to share why we’re even talking about this: for much of my life, I struggled to feel joyful and happy on any regular basis. I’ve always been a pretty serious person, and didn’t really know how to let my hair down. Even in moments that I look back on fondly now (like riding on a parade float for the first time), in the moment I was tense and worried.
I was always seen by others as “wise beyond my years”, “very mature”, and “the responsible one”. None of this was a bad thing necessarily, but it led me to be pretty rigid in my overall attitude. In addition to being dependable and trustworthy, I was also the “Debbie Downer” and a ridiculous perfectionist — not someone that others think to invite to the party. I’ve also battled with anxiety and depression*, but have thankfully always had both an incredible support network, as well as the wherewithal to take active steps to address the symptoms using positive self care strategies I’ve learned over the years.
Skydiving in 2015 after experiencing a major turning point in my life. Look how zen I was jumping out of a plane!
So what changed?
The first step to any real change is awareness. Between roughly 2014-2016, I was recovering from a pretty severe case of burnout. I’d pushed myself super hard through college, taking 5 classes each semester while working full time and doing internships (remember, I had identified myself as being so responsible and grown up that I fooled myself into thinking that I was also somehow super human). Overcoming burnout is a strange process. For much of it, you’re pretty numb. You go through the motions of life, but everything is exhausting. Which feels especially strange when you used to DO. SO. MUCH. EVERY. DAY.
I’m really not kidding that it took two years to overcome burnout, and when I came out the other side, it felt like a snake that had shed its skin–I was more vulnerable, sure, but I was also lighter. Fresher. More authentic. Slowly, I became more aware that I didn’t have to be the same person. No one was requiring me to be serious. No one was forcing me to be miserable all the time. Slowly (very slowly), it was like the lights were coming on.
My 2017 Core Desired Feelings list. I made this image to remind myself on a consistent basis of how I wanted to feel.
Then, like any good story, a series of events took place that really set forth a domino effect. The first was deciding enough was enough. I wanted to be happy, darn it! A friend recommended Danielle LaPorte’s book The Desire Map, and that set off the first shift. Around the same time, I was reading the blog Yes And Yes, and I started applying the principles I learned from her Money + Happy course to start noticing what brought me joy. It was also during this time that I really began clarifying my personal sense of style, and participated in my first Dapper Day. I took on the challenge of reading the entire Harry Potter series in 6 months (my first time reading the books, and a true accomplishment from what I’ve been told). Heck, this adventure of creative expression that I lovingly call Miss Meadowsweet is an outcome of me simply opening myself to joy!
Suddenly, joy was bubbling up more and more each day. I had chosen to say “YES!” to happiness, and it’s been life changing. I smile more, I laugh more, and I open myself up to more experiences. I also say “no” more often–to things that don’t serve me; relationships, events, what-have-you. Now, this is not to say that I just don’t do certain things simply because they don’t bring joy; the laundry still has to be hung up, and the dishes washed and put away. But I have gotten better at saying “no” to stuff that I used to do out of obligation or guilt. And, yes, I still have days where I feel low, worried, anxious, or sad–but they are significantly fewer and do less damage than before.
I hope you’ll find this post series helpful and inspiring. Got great tips for being happier? Let me know!
Love,
*Mental Health Check: I am by no means a therapist, mental health professional, or physician. Not even close. If you’re in a deep, dark place and are struggling to find your way out, please know that 1) it’s totally acceptable and awesome to reach out and get help, and 2) you’re so valuable and valued–please take care of yourself.
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