(This is a continuation of a two-part series about finding your joy. To read the first post, click here.)
Alright, my friend. I hope wherever you are in your life, you can agree with me that there’s still room in your life to add more joy, right? But what does joy really mean to you? If you look at your social media feeds, it’s easy to see people (you may or may not know) appearing to be happy. They’re doing big things, or making big purchases, or overusing the hashtag #treatyoself as an excuse to over-indulge. Will doing these things really bring you joy? What exactly is joy?
I won’t make you pull out your dictionary (ok, fine, you’d look it up online), but that’s literally what I did when I first realized I wanted to feel more joyful. From there, I began to piece together my own definition–and it meant going beyond happiness. I often felt happy, but that feeling was fleeting. Joy, on the other hand, runs deeper. Joy feeds your soul. When I am joyful I feel it throughout my body, and others feel it too. I can feel it recharging my battery. Happiness is the giggle…Joy is the full belly laugh that releases endorphins and breaks your headache. Once I recognized this difference, it was time to get to work.
The Joy List — I keep a running list in the notes app of my phone of things that bring me joy. The items are very specific. When I notice a moment in which I feel joy, I add it to the list. Here’s some of what’s on my list:
- Small, serendipitous moments where I stumble upon nature’s sense of humor (like bats, bumblebees, and sandhill cranes).
- Staring at the stars on a clear, cool night.
- Pedicures where the leg and foot massage make my scalp tingle.
- Savoring a delicious cocktail or craft beer next to a bonfire with my husband in the late afternoon.
This list is important because it holds clues about what you can do to be more joyful. Let’s take the pedicure example. I love pedicures, and they are a treat I make a point to schedule time for. But being specific about the exact part of the pedicure that gives me joy (the scalp-tingly feeling) changed my behavior. When the pedicurist starts the massage portion, I put down my phone. I close my eyes. I savor it. I allow the joy to wash over me–even just for that moment–and I leave the nail salon more rejuvenated and recharged than I felt when I went in. This mindfulness about my joy also pushed me to make my time getting a pedicure sacred. It’s a critical component of my self care.
Focusing the Lens: What’s Happened Since I Defined My Joy
Once I began realizing what truly brought me joy (not the stuff that I thought “should” bring bring joy), some major shifts started to take place. At first, it felt like when the eye doctor asks you which lens is clearer (1 or 2? 2 or 1?). It seems like it doesn’t make much of a difference at first. But once you try on your new glasses, suddenly everything becomes so much clearer. This is known as a paradigm shift, and I definitely had a major one!
- My heart opened. I began to try new things that reflected the patterns I saw in my joy list. As my list grew, my joy grew. Disney is a great example of this; I had closed myself to this because of bad experiences in the past. Now, it’s a backdrop to experiences that bring me a great deal of joy: being in the company of close friends.
- I said “No” more purposefully. Raise your hand if you’ve been guilted into doing things because you wanted to make others happy…yeah, I’ve totally been there. When I started realizing what brought me joy, I started saying “no” guilt-free because my joy (not other people) was my priority. This also reflected in my wallet–my purchases were more thoughtful around buying non-essentials that bring me joy, rather than mindlessly adding things to my cart.
- The outcome doesn’t matter as much as the process. Remember when you were a kid and you’d just draw for the sake of drawing? Or read for the sake of reading? Dance because it felt good? Focusing on joy has shifted my creative expression from being about the end result to the feelings I experience in simply being creative.
As I continue to prioritize and define my joy, I discover new things about myself and the world around me. Some of these things I can share with the world. Some I save just for me. What I will say is that making joy a priority has
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